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  • Mood: Lazy
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  • Watching: Survivor China
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I was on a FB group where I saw one user post an epic List as to how you win Survivor, (also this was a massive Stab to anybody who thinks Russell ever deserved to win). If you want to kno how to win Survivor just make sure you do exactly what my friend says here.


(Note: Remember I didn't write this my friend did)

"I don't have a list of all the things Russell did wrong post-merge offhand, but it's just that he was a generally horrible person.

I do have something close to that list, though. In a different group, someone posted a thread about an upcoming RHAP project called "The 49 Laws of Survivor." I commented the following:

THE FORTY-NINE LAWS OF SURVIVOR:

1. Don't tell a future juror "I don't give a fuck about you."

2. Don't tell a future juror "I don't give a fuck about your family."

3. Especially don't tell a future juror "I don't give a fuck about you or your family."

4. Don't sarcastically call a religious future juror "The second coming of Christ."

5. Don't laugh at a future juror and call him a dumbass.

6. Don't laugh at a future juror and say "You really screwed your game up for yourself."

7. Don't randomly backstab someone you made an alliance with on Day 1.

8. Don't bully a future juror to the point of tears.

9. Especially don't bully a future juror to the point of tears in front of the jury.

10. ESPECIALLY don't bully a future juror to the point of tears in front of a jury of self-righteous people who think they're "heroic."

11. Don't swear on your kids when you're not sure you'll keep it.

12. Don't swear on your kids when you know you won't keep it.

13. Don't go out of your way to swear on your kids when you know you won't keep it when nobody asked you to.

14. Don't swear on a future juror's cross necklace when you're not sure you'll keep it.

15. For the love of fuck, don't take that same cross necklace and use it to form an alliance with two other people who are going to go to the jury and meet up with that same guy.

16. Don't form an alliance with the only two people left in the game from a tribe that comprises a majority of the jury.

17. Don't tell people you have millions of dollars.

18. Don't yell at them for discussing the fact that you have millions of dollars.

19. Don't wear a Hidden Immunity Idol around your neck just so people know how powerful you think you are.

20. Don't play a Hidden Immunity Idol for no reason other than to tell your allies how powerful you are.

21. Don't rely on final three deals you have no intentions of keeping to make people flip.

22. Don't make final three deals with people who you don't even need to be loyal to you.

23. Don't align with half the tribe on the first day.

24. Don't weaken your tribe by pouring out their water for no reason.

25. Don't weaken your tribe by stealing and burning their clothes for no reason.

26. Don't brag in people's faces about how you're a villain who doesn't care about them.

27. If a member of the opposing alliance makes a silly mistake that sends him home and puts his allies in the minority, don't laugh at the ones who are still around.

28. Don't take credit for things you didn't do.

29. Don't take someone to the end when you know they get along with all the jurors.

30. Once again, don't take someone to the end when you know they get along with all the jurors.

31. If somebody betrayed almost everybody on the jury, take her to the end.

32. If somebody did so specifically because she didn't get along with the people who are now on the jury, take her to the end.

33. If somebody talked to chickens, take her to the end.

34. If somebody cast her votes based off of prophetic dreams and says "I guess God made me really special", take her to the end.

35. If somebody called herself "Shambo", take her to the end.

36. If you've been in an alliance with somebody throughout the entire game and want to vote them out at the final five, tell them first. Don't blindside them.

37. Don't threaten to vote someone out on Day 39.

39. If a juror asks how confident you are in your chances of winning, don't arrogantly say "55%." Lie and say the same numbers everyone else is saying.

39. If you insist on saying "55%", don't add "But I was a lot more confident before coming in here." If you're sure you'll win, keep it to the cameras.

40. If a juror asks you "What did you learn about me that enabled you to beat me?", actually say something you know about her. Don't just say "UR A GOOD PLAYER LULZ."

41. Don't tell the entire jury in your opening statement that you had no luck whatsoever in getting to the end.

42. If you do #41 and a juror asks you incredulously if you really just said that, say you were wrong and meant something else; don't repeat it.

43. If you made a girl cry in front of the jury and she asks you whether you have any regrets at FTC, tell her you regret being a dick to her.

44. If you don't do #43 and she then outright tells you "Nobody is going to vote for you", say you regret it.

45. If you play the exact same game two times and lose the exact same way two times, and get to play a third time, don't play the exact same game again.

46. Don't bluster, "Are you with me or are you against me? If you're against me, you're going home next!"

47. If the entire tribe is standing together bonding over silly yoga, join in. Do not walk past them to look for a Hidden Immunity Idol.

48. Especially do not do #48 when your tribe has openly, collectively decided that anybody who looks for the Hidden Immunity Idol will immediately be voted out.

49. In general, try to avoid behavior that will make jurors unironically say you are as bad as Satan.

BONUS FOUR -- these won't necessarily hurt you in the game of Survivor, but they will serve to make you a pretty horrible person in life.

I. If you lose, don't blame the game. Blame yourself.

II. Don't spoil your season.

III. Don't spread rumors about your nephew sucking men's penises at a charity event.

IV. Don't cheat on your wife."</b>

And that's how you do it. :)

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cRaZyKiD9219
OPEN THE VORTEX OF POWAH!
United States
I have Green Hair, Goggles, Green Clothes and Live in A VORTEX OF POWAH! (which is also green).
I LOVE SURVIVOR! My Life and everything in general.
I don't really like online flame wars they're really stupid so please don't start any with me :)

oh BTW I like Cheese.

Current Residence: THE VORTEX OF POWAH!
Favourite genre of music: ANY KIND
MP3 player of choice: iPod
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Soraheat Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Flowers fella (Love):iconthanksforfaving:Flowers fella (Love) 
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cRaZyKiD9219 Featured By Owner 5 days ago
:)
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Hanoko36 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank for the fav :3 !!
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cRaZyKiD9219 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014
;)
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thomasfrend Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fav!
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wildstar27 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
Thanks for Faving
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cRaZyKiD9219 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
Anytime
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xebla Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014
YOU HAVE BEEN HUGGED!! *Hug* 
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)
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1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
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5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.

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appleg2014 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for the favorite:)
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cRaZyKiD9219 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014
;)
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